Just Show Up

I interacted with 3 different families today…

Family 1

Single mom with a 7 year old. Was previously stable, working and was about to start renting-to-own their home. Mom’s mom passed away and mom’s older sister wanted the 3 sisters to reconnect. Mom and 7 year old move to Springfield, leaving home and job, to move-in temporarily with Mom’s older sister. Mom finds a nice place to live for she and 7 year old. Mom calls to have utilities set up and finds out someone fraudulently set up utilities in her name 4 years ago when she lived in different town. She finds out it was her older sister who used her information written on a form she’d found to get utilities set up one hot summer when she and her kids were without utilities. Sister doesn’t have the money to pay the $500+ back bill. Mom and 7 year old are stuck doing the service tango trying to figure out how to move forward with their lives without spending their down payment on a bill for a house they never lived in, nor does the sister live in anymore. Mom showed up to get resources and help getting them out of the situation they didn’t ask to get themselves into and is no fault of hers.

Family 2

Mom, 3 of 7 of mom’s daughters (ages 19-mid 20s), granddaughter, and cousin all present for resources as 1 family unit. They’re struggling to make ends meet, living in a 2-bedroom motel/apartment. The older daughter present is staying at a crisis maternity home and has hoops of her own she’s having to jump through, as she attempts to get back in school. Along with those present are probably 2-3 family members not present. This place is full. One of the additional members is cousin’s dad, who’s also on dialysis, blind, and needs help walking. This family is struggling to say the least. But y’all, I sat with this family and “broke bread” (PIZZA) with them and laughed and talked about where we’re all from… Illinois and Tennessee and Mississippi and Louisiana. And we talked about gumbo and all the ways it’s been done wrong and how I just need to let them know when I can hook ’em up some “real” gumbo, but “no seafood cause mom’s allergic”. I actually really WANT to make them gumbo. I want to invite them to my house and feed them homemade, legit gumbo, and let them forget a moment of their chaos. Honestly, I don’t even know if that’s allowed since they aren’t my clients, but I met them at an event I volunteer at as representative from my job… I don’t know. But they were so thankful to be there. The cousin brought in her dad to eat and they all cared for him so gently and lovingly, being careful not to humiliate or degrade him in any way. I commented to the cousin that I loved how well she cared for her dad. And she was quick to tell me as her eyes were filled with tears and her voice filled with equal amounts of determination and sass, “Oh I’mma take care of him til they put dirt on his face or mine! He ain’t goin nowhere and neither am I.” She proceeds to tell me how they all pitch in and take care of him when she needs a break or when they tell her she needs a break. It was beautiful how this family shared one another’s burdens. I don’t know any extensive details of any of the family members’ individual stories or even collectively, really, but this family, too, showed up.

Family 3

Single mom and her 2 school-aged kids have been pretty transient in their living arrangements, city to city and house to car to program to car, etc., for whatever reason. She’s pretty rough around the edges. She has her own parenting style, that I don’t really understand. She has wild dreams, some may even call them far-fetched; nevertheless, she’s a dreamer and has some good ideas. She doesn’t trust easily and when she’s done talking she is done talking and has quite the amusing arsenal of excuses. She has a colored past, that makes you wonder if it’s history yet or still present-day matters. In a moment of desperation, she, too, showed up.

The verse of the day on my YouVersion app in The Passion Translation was this:

“Be free from pride-filled opinions,
for they will only harm your cherished unity.
Don’t allow self-promotion to hide in your hearts, but in authentic humility put others first and view others as more important than yourselves.”
Philippians 2:3

I read it several times today, before and after the above interactions and discussed it at length with one of my co-workers when she and I needed this reminder in this specific translation. See, I work with those in my community that are experiencing housing challenges, mostly youth but also parents of youth. Some are homeless; some are at-risk of becoming homeless for various reasons; some are unsafely housed. Regardless of their varying housing issues, what I needed to keep in the forefront of my mind today as I conversed with these families—and one in particular—was that they each have a story. Each family has a story. Each individual that makes up the family has a story. Each person has a story worthy of being told, that if I don’t ask them, if I don’t take a minute to look up from my phone—and I did have to make the choice today to look up from my phone and into the eyes of the woman waiting to see a service provider and engage—and ask questions, I won’t get the opportunity of hearing their stories.

I’m sure at one time or another, we’ve all seen someone housing-challenged and we’ve often immediately been judgmental. I’ve been guilty of this before! And occasionally STILL have to check myself. We’ve made assumptions about their lifestyles. We’ve judged them unfairly and assumed they’re lazy or they “just need to go get a job” or [fill-in-the-blank] with wherever your thoughts have gone. Whether any of our thoughts end up true or not, we do them and ourselves an injustice by letting our true-until-proven-false thoughts never see the light that determines if it’s actually true or false—we have to ask questions and engage to find out their story. We live under false pretenses and miss out on their stories. We elevate ourselves in a prideful way when we (1) don’t know how they ended up in their predicament, but immediately judge them for where they are in life and (2) fail to realize we are one budget cut at work where jobs are lost and bills fall behind from being in their shoes… there are so many back stories to reasons why!

These families today, they showed up. I may not agree with some individual life choices, but who am I to even make that call anyways?! I’m no better than they are and I’m not in actual relationship with them to weigh in on their life decisions to such a degree to where someone would accept my opinion. I’m sure they wouldn’t agree with some of the choices I make. And that’s okay. Thankfully making such judgement calls that matter is above my pay grade. My job is to love. My job is to “preach the Gospel and use words when necessary”. My heart is to take my judgmental thoughts about situations I encounter and instead try to imagine what they could have experienced in their story that impacts their decision-making. What are they lacking hope? What desperation are they feeling? What could they be feeling oppressed by? Who has been silencing their voice and for how long? How long have they been wrestling [fill-in-the-blank]? Are they alone? Do they have anyone? How have they been taken advantage of? How long have they had to live in survival mode and how does that play out in day-to-day life? There are a plethora of reasons and secrets and untold stories. Even those that have lost housing due to addiction issues have used the object of their addiction to fill some need or mask some pain or, again, [fill-in-the-blank]. This is not to excuse or make drug abuse, alcohol abuse, gambling addictions, etc. okay, This is, however, to look beyond the surface of current struggles and consider the story behind the struggle.

Friends, the truth is none of this only applies to the housing-challenged population in our communities. No, this applies to me and to you and to our neighbors and to our friends and to the cashier that’s extra testy today and to the person who gave you attitude yesterday and that person at church that rubs you the wrong way and claims to love Jesus and your co-worker that seems to get under your skin with every word they say and to Every. Single. Person we encounter in this life. It’s easy to think we “know” people with social media, but while I’m an open book, I also don’t divulge of every sentence of my story nor every historical detail. If you don’t ask, I may not tell. But there are those in my life and in my circle that do know my story, that do ask questions. There are those in my life who just showed up, showed up with questions, showed up with the truth in God’s word to combat the lies in my heart, showed up in my grieving, showed up with practical things like coffee and tea and hugs and silent togetherness.
They just showed up.

Obviously, the check-out line in lane 10 at Walmart where every register has a long line OR only 3 registers are open and Walmart knoooows it’s payday is probably not the time to ask the cashier her story. But maybe it’s the time to walk in humility and to give grace because we, too, want grace on our bad/difficult/emotional/[fill-in-the-blank] days. First Peter 5:5 says in the ESV,

“Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders.
Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another,
for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.””

It doesn’t say “God gives grace to the prideful who think they’re better than others and think they’re poo don’t stank.” No, He gives grace—grace that we so need—to the humble, and opposes, or disapproves or resists, the proud. There are a million and one (not really, I didn’t count) verses about humility, and for good reason. If you’re a believer, it’s who we’re called to be, according to Ephesians:

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy
of the calling to which you have been called,
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain
the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV

This started as what I thought was just going to be an Instagram post, but words kept flowing out—and Instagram gots word count limits, y’all—so I moved here. I initially wanted to just share what this verse encouraged in me and I wanted to encourage you as well, but it’s included more than I intended, including topics of other incomplete blogs. But you know what, sometimes we need to just show up. Just show up for our friends, for our family, for the people in our community (at large and those we’re in relationship with), for the stranger that’s struggling with reaching the top shelf, for work, for that group you’ve been contemplating attending, and for whatever it is God has called you to do. Inevitably, I needed to also just show up to write my thoughts and what was going on in my heart today instead of just thinking about writing it down, so God could take it where it needed to go.

You are needed; authentic, purpose-filled, God-created You are needed. What you hold inside is needed. Your story, be it incomplete, is needed. But you have to show up.

So.
Confront judgmental thoughts.
Consider other’s stories.
Walk in humility.
Give grace.
Tell your story.
And just show up.

Adventure on, compadres.