Heart History & The New Job

10:30pm. That’s what time I got home from my first day at my new job. What time did I go in? 6:00 this morning. Shift 1: 16 hours. Shift 2: 12 hours tomorrow. You’d think that after such a long day I’d be ready to hit the hay, explode, something… but not at all! See, if we hadn’t moved to Springfield, I would be back in Waxahachie today decompressing from Royal Family Kids Camp (RFKC), the camp for foster kids, like I did last summer… those kids stole my heart. Instead, I started my job today as a Youth Care Specialist for Great Circle Boys & Girls Town. Today was like RFKC in a day. In fact, RFKC last summer was the last time I remember working 16 hours in a day. And before that, the summers from 12 to 18 years old I spent working kids camps at Camp Singing Waters. Today, my heart was set; yet it again, it was stolen by these foster kids. The Beetles said it best, “All you need is love.” That’s all they need: unconditional love.

See, when I knew I was leaving SAGU and started contemplating my next job, I had no idea what I wanted to do. All I knew was though I loved my job and it taught me a lot about myself (like being able to be Type A and run an office… yeah, never saw that coming), I didn’t want another desk job–God equipped me for that one, as it’s not exactly my personality. But I’d left Louisiana with 6 years of kids camp experience and 3 years barista experience. I moved to Texas knowing that I wanted to do children’s ministry. I just KNEW I was gonna be a children’s pastor. So I started at CFNI and got my diploma in Practical Theology, specializing in children’s and family ministry. But it was at the beginning of my second semester Father told me I was to go to SAGU to study Counseling. “Aye aye, Captain!” I didn’t understand the change but followed His guiding to study counseling and focus on not just children, but families as a whole–moms, dads, marriages, parents, children… the whole kit & caboodle.

Fast forward to my last semester of undergraduate school. I was working full time at the university while finishing my bachelor’s. I was also doing my practicum at the Presbyterian Children’s Home & Services (PCHAS) as a Clinical Intake Services intern. It was during this practicum that God expanded my frame of reference of family to extend far beyond what my view had been: biological families. I realized that in my desire to work with marriage and family counseling, I had to understand that family also included adopted families, foster families, step-families, children raised by extended families, and all included in between (adopted with bio-children, adopted sibling sets, fostering with bio-children, fostering sibling sets, adopting newborns, teens, etc.). I learned at PCHAS about how many “return to sender” adoptions happen and consequences worldwide, like other countries closing their doors to the U.S. because of adoptive parents returning their adopted children to their country of origin when it just was as they expected, the child had too many issues. It was at PCHAS God put in my heart to at some point in my life work towards better preparing foster parents and adoptive parents of what it means to foster or adopt; to explain thoroughly the state of emotional turmoil that children most likely will be in from the trauma they have already experienced; for them to understand that they will have to fight through behaviors and attitudes (etc.) to get to the place where the children know that you love them, they trust you, and the believe in you that you aren’t going to leave them or… or “do what my last foster mom/dad did”.

Now, fast forward to us moving to Springfield and not knowing what I want to do for a job. Felt like I was supposed to rest… and have been up until today. Mason’s cousin Leslie and her husband Stephen both work at Boys & Girls Town as well. Leslie was the tool in God’s toolbox that He used to get me to Boys & Girls Town, cause to be quite honest, I didn’t know I wanted the job until the end of my interview when I was asked point blank, “Well, do you want the job?” And out of my mouth was a surprising, “Yes. Yes, actually, I do want this job. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but yes! I want this job!” That was after she told me a few horror stories, the less glamorous parts of the job so I wasn’t going in blindsided. After I was conditionally offered the job, I still had to do a drug test, TB test, a physical, and have 3 references completed. I remember getting back the reference from Lynn S. after doing the rest of the tests and such. She was the director at Camp Singing Waters… and beyond that, my spiritual mother and one of my dearest heart friends. In her reference, she spoke so highly of me and the days/years at camp. As I read one of her final responses, it brought me to tears as I remembered the moment as if it has just happened. We used to have an inner city group come out to the camp every summer. It was summer of 2004, I believe, and the inner city group had come out. I remember at 14 years old standing in the back of chapel praying and worshiping when God told me to look up. I looked up and looked at the kids. As I looked at each of the kids, He told me something about their home life. I remember closing my eyes quickly to make it stop because what I was learning was horrific… tragic… unthinkable in my mind, but He said to open my eyes. He said that I needed to know what these children were facing and living, that I had to be a difference, that He was calling me to kids like these. This was the very first time I remember my heart breaking.

Twelve years later, I have been ever so guided to here: working with and loving on foster kids and kids with CPS cases still open, kids with traumatic pasts and painful stories. Father brought me full circle from breaking my heart for these hurting children to igniting a passion in my heart for their parents, their parents’ marriages, and the whole family to enlightening me on who all is included in this word family to working with foster kids for a week last summer at RFKC to moving to another state to work with and care for these same children my heart was broken for 12 years ago… to work at Great Circle.

Y’all, God knows what He’s doing. The very last day of last year, I got this tattoo on my forearm as a testament to following God and a reminder that when what I see doesn’t seem to match up with His promises in my eyes, to look to Him and not let my faith and trust in Him to be shaken. At the beginning of this year, He gave me a word for 2016: direction. He would continue to direct us in all His ways as we trust Him at all cost. And that is exactly 100% what He has done. He opened every door for me to walk through, but even more, there is no peace like the peace in knowing that He is faithful… He’s faithful to complete the good work He started in me 12 years ago.

Be encouraged that the promises He has spoken to you over the years are not null and void. Continue to follow His direction (or redirect yourself if you need to) and even if it’s 10+ years in the making, He’s preparing you, forming you, grooming you for greatness, for a purpose. It’s all part of the journey, so adventure on, folks!

P.S. There are so soo much children of all ages, so many sibling sets and children on their own that need foster parents and/or a forever family… that need love.