Dear Mason & Charis 2013…
Dear Newlyweds Mason & Charis (2013),
We’re celebrating our 13th anniversary—our golden anniversary—today since we were you saying “I do”. So we wanted to write a “card”—let’s be honest, it’s a letter… Charis, you are 36 now and still a long-form writer—to encourage you from further down our journey.
While encouragement is expected to sound all positive, I want to remind you of what you already know—life is an adventure, and not just a roadtrip where you pull off on scenic turnouts or run out of gas or get stuck in traffic. This adventure is more like the trek to summit a mountain, starting at the bottom. In this view, adventures are mostly comprised of
valleys and indirect paths,
ascensions and descensions,
periods of darkness and periods of light,
wildflowers and wild animals,
trees, fungus, and poison ivy,
weather without immediate protection from the elements,
trees and natural canopies,
switchbacks and random grassy clearings,
feeling lost and backwards,
wet rocks and petrichor,
leaches and ticks and mosquitoes,
butterflies and beetles and other insects,
running streams and waterfalls,
shadows under canopies,
blue skies and heavy clouds
and sometimes you can’t see either.
Life is a wild adventure mostly lived below the peak. And it’s beautiful—remember that. It is hard and it is beautiful, simultaneously. On this wild adventure, remember eternity lies within and before you. While your eternity doesn’t lie in your hands holding but rather the third One with whom you’ve become one—Love, Himself. Each day, choose Him—Love. When you choose one another over self, the choice is Love.
While you’ve just said “I do” and your love is an entanglement of commitment and infatuation, you’ll learn on their journey what it is to love in its truest form. You will learn it’s far more than you can and will experience with your senses and much more what you must choose each waking day and passing second. There is a lasting gift in the sacrifice, surrender, and service Love truly requires. And it is beautiful, a holy thing to Love purely. In Hinds Feet on High Places, the Shepherd’s wisdom to Much-Afraid was this: “Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know pain too.” You will learn this to be true. You will also learn that grief is the greatest invitation to the inside of Father’s heart you ever could have received though it’s one no one would ever wish for. But when given the opportunity and at every chance, choose Him—You’ll know when you arrive at a crossroads of With Him or Without Him. No matter how painful, know the pain is much greater to travel the road with your heart postured away from Him.
For years you’ve known a friendship that’s continued to grow. In the years ahead of you, you will discover the value of your foundational friendship and the fruit of all the hard work you put into sifting through your baggage before you sealed the suitcase. And even then, you’ll have to learn to fight the ease of becoming roommates. You’ll keep fighting and choosing, ebbing and flowing. The dance continues and, oh, is it worth it. It’s the gift of you two growing up together in the same direction with hearts set on eternity.
This journey, dear ones, is a journey to remember who you are. I’d say there are few relationships like marriage… but I don’t believe it’s the whole truth. Marriage is the best symbolism of the Christ and the Church, as He intended. While for you two—for us—we’ve chosen covenant with the Lord, first, and to enter a covenant with one another, second, and oh will you come to know the gift of friendship and covenant friendship with others in the Family of God.
You do not complete one another; you were never created to. There is but One who makes us whole. So before you go any further, relieve yourselves of the expectation to deliver wholeness from your own imperfection to the heart and soul of the one you now know as spouse and teammate. Misplaced expectation breeds frustration, disappointment, and resentment. However, unspoken expectations breed the same. So, know now: you did not marry a mind reader, brain translator, or master communicator (not yet, at least). Communicate and seek to resolve conflict. Honesty, truth, and grace will carry you a long ways in all of your relationships.
You need other people in your world. Each one will be for a different purpose,
a different area for you to grow,
a different reflection of Jesus,
a different iron to sharpen you by way of friction and challenge because you don’t actually use the same metal to sharpen.
Charis, you need your girls. Mason, you need your guys. Avail yourselves to the vulnerable, healing power and potential of friendship even in the mirrored place of past wounds. And don’t just be a recipient of friendship and victim of those who’ve hurt you. Have the courage to be the friend you want to have despite the real pains you’ve experienced. We know the fear of being known, but writing from this side of your history, you are worthy of being known. While not all are to know you at such depth, there is a gift awaiting you too precious for words in friendships to come. It will require your courage and the bearing of your heart. And it will be worth it and beautiful.
And both of you, Mason and Charis, there will be friends who are for you as an individual and fewer who are for your union. When you face real challenges in life and marriage—and you will—be sure you walk with the right friends, the ones for your union, pointing you both towards heaven and holiness. Point one another towards heaven and holiness. Always welcome heaven and holiness in your heart and home.
Dearest young Mason and Charis, to conclude this letter, we each had a few specific things to say to ourselves:
Mason, it’s taken you and me a long time to figure this out and I’m still learning, so here’s what I want you to know:
Relax, me. You don’t have to be uptight. Learn to be more flexible faster
Lean in easier to the process and whatever you’re faced with, even if you haven’t been there or done that. Healing will serve you well—lean in.
Have experiences to round out your knowledge—I know you’re 23 now, but you don’t actually know it all… and it’s taken me 13 years to realize this.
Lastly, share more sooner.
Charis, you’re gonna like 2026 us. These last 13 years have served us well, and here’s what I want you to know:
There’s more beauty in you than you believe right now. How you feel on the inside is not how anyone else sees you. It’s not how Father sees you.
While you may wrestle the projection the eyes of your heart casts, you will one day believe what your dear friend tells you in the future: The outside doesn’t tell the story.
Father calls you to do some wild things. He doesn’t want what He’s put inside you to only be for you and Him, believe Him. Trust Him. Be courageous.
Your inner child is a gift. Don’t be fooled into believing she needs to be hidden. Being childlike will be weaponized against you—don’t believe the lie.
Learn sooner not to gaslight yourself, empathizing your way out of feeling what you’re feeling. Like Momma used to say and still says, “feel your feelin’s”. Then process them and move forward. God gave them to you for a reason.
Lastly, you’ve known independence to be safe and isolating. It’s a farce. Interdependence is risky with fruit hard fought and worth it. Love the way your heart is formed to love even when it feels childlike and silly. Don’t be afraid to be who God’s created and forming you into. In 2026, I am the most me that I’ve ever been, and I like her.
Much-Afraid prayed to the Shepherd, “Help me to follow you, even though it seems impossible. Help me to trust you as much as I long to love you.” This is what life and love and marriage and relationship on this wild adventure is about. Through every chapter of life together:
Follow Him
Trust Him
Love Him
Knowing none of the above can be done without Holy Spirit
Or as Jesus said, “Remain in Me, and I [will remain] in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit by itself without remaining in the vine, neither can you [bear fruit, producing evidence of your faith] unless you remain in Me.” (John 15:4 AMP)
“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]” John 16:33 AMP
The next 13 years won’t look as you imagine, Mason and Charis, but the story is beautiful. Trauma is real, but it’s not the name Father calls you so don’t let it become your identity or how you describe yourself. Live with no regrets but lessons learned. See the beauty in the details—in nature, in image bearers, and in every day life. Commit to growth and growing through storms and hardship. Stay rooted in Him not the place you think you’ll put down roots. Stay laughing and not just to avoid crying—if He sees your tears as valuable enough to keep in bottles, don’t disparage them yourself. Laughter really is medicine.
We’re still laughing.
23-year-old Mason, I choose and am still choosing you. And also… you’re aging quite marvelously. Pretty sure you’ve aged in reverse. Tattoos, piercings—yes, you have both now, Mr. 3-Piece-Suit-to-Class—healing, and growing into who He created you to be looks gooood on you. Journeying where we have, I would choose you again.
– 36-year-old Charis
23-year-old Charis, I choose and am still choosing you. The depth of who you are only gets deeper and yet stays accessible to all you come into contact with. You love and advocate for any person, even to themselves, so that they can fully be revealed in who He has called and created them to be. The beauty of which is unending.
– 36-year-old Mason
You will make it. We are making it. Everything we have learned, we are still learning and you will too. You’re both pretty gracious with people. Receive the same grace you’ve received for others for yourselves.
Happy 13th Anniversary, to us!
Sincerely,
Mason & Charis
2026 Edition